3 Things to know about the apology you'll never get

Updated: Mar 6, 2020

" Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to have Freedom over something trying to hold you captive."

Words can wound us to the core. Sometimes leaving us anchored in a place we were never supposed to be stuck in. And when you don't forgive, it's like having a boat that never leaves the shore. Because until you let go of the dock, you can't move forward.

We have all experienced hurt from somebody and waited for them to say the words, "I'm sorry." But how do we respond when we don't get the closure we needed.

Here are three things to remember, even in the lack of words said, to find your peace in the situation.

1) Forgiving leads to freedom

Not forgiving somebody will do greater harm to you than the person you're refusing to forgive.

Pastor Chris Hodges once said, " Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"

1 Peter 3:9 - "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

We live in a fallen world. We have all hurt somebody the way we have been hurt, even if you don't realize you're doing it.

But this is not Gods heart for us. He comes to make us new!

Living without shame or condemnation.

The enemy wants to keep you in a place of being so unaware of this truth. He will do anything to trigger past hurt and make you walk away from relationships because of it. But we don't have to live in that place.

Many people will say, " forgive & forget" but that is not apart of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to have Freedom over something trying to hold you captive.

It doesn't justify the situation or make you weak, it simply allows God to show up and break off the pain from that event so it no longer has a place in your heart.

Allowing us, as Gods people, to love the way he first loved us.

And when you live in a place of forgiveness, you live in a place of freedom.

2) Forgiving leads to recognizing the fight

We have to understand its not the physical person you're fighting; It's the enemy.

Because it's not the spirit of God that hurt you, it's the enemy consuming the person that hurt you.

Anger stems from rejection. Rejection stems from a past hurt and hurt stems from the enemy.

Because it's never in Gods plan to destroy you.

Have you ever experienced somebody flipping out over something really small? Most of the time, it's not because of what you did, but what triggered them to feel some type of rejection.

- I'm just going to tell on myself for a second because this is so important for you to understand:

A few months ago, I was running late to work because I woke up late. My mom just so happened to be leaving right before me and then realized her car wasn't working. She then asked me if she could use my car because she had to run errands, and she would drop me off at work.

Already frustrated because I was running late, I responded with a very intense, "yes." I got in the car and drove us to work. I could feel the frustration in my head start to consume me. I hopped out of the car and threw the keys back at her and went inside. Did I need my car? No. Was it a big deal that she needed to use it and drop me off? No.

So why did I get so mad!

Because I like having security and control, and the fact that I had to give that up unwillingly, triggered something in me. I've experienced what it feels like to go through something I never asked for and I like to be able to control outcomes because of it. I knew that if I had to leave work for whatever reason, I had to rely on somebody else and that just didn't sit right with me.

I was frustrated because she had to take my car. It wasn't the car that made me angry; it was the fact that I had to give up control of a situation. But this is exactly what the enemy does to us. He tries to provoke things in us that half of the time, have nothing to do with the very thing that you're getting upset over.

Thankfully, I became aware of my insecurities and came home and apologized, but not every situation ends like this.

When something triggers you to get upset, I encourage you to think about why you're feeling that way. Or try to give grace and be understanding of why the other person is feeling that way.

The more we sit back and let God speak before we do, the less likely you are to allow the enemy to have a say in your actions.

So even when somebody does you wrong, you know how to show them what's right and respond with grace.

Because by asking Jesus first, the lies of the enemy will always be second. And your mind will shift from frustration to freedom.

3) Forgiving will always lead to more of the Father

Our biggest prayer should be to see people the way Jesus sees us.

You may never get the closure you need. And sometimes that's hard. But when you follow Jesus, you will always get a peace that surpasses all understanding.

So we don't have to rely on an apology for peace, because God defines our worth, not people.

And It's not your responsibility to protect your heart from pain. Because only Jesus has the strength to heal your hurt.

Forgiving is a choice, just like following Jesus is a choice.

And if we followed Jesus, just out of emotion, we would believe the lie that God doesn't actually love us. Because we would blame God for our anger. But by choosing to love God regardless of our situation, we get to see more of the father.

Just as we do when we choose to forgive even when we don't receive an apology.

I will never preach what I don't practice, so let me tell you, I know this is easier said than done!

It took me fifteen years to forgive somebody. But it also took me giving God all my frustration and anger to realize that it wasn't God I should have been mad at, but the enemy.

I had to understand first, that I am forgiven even before I know I need forgiveness, in order to forgive others.

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" - Isaiah 1:18

While I was trying to seek out closure from God. I realized I didn't need that person's apology to know that I am loved, I am valued, and I am worthy!

And It's because I know my worth in God, that I am now able to see the worth in others. And even when I am mistreated, I can be Jesus to them. Because "greater is He who lives in me than he who lives in the world." - 1 John 4:4

So, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4: 31-32

And on behalf of that person's unspoken apology to you, I am sorry.

I am sorry, I left when I should have stayed.

I am sorry, I wasn't there when I should have been.

I am sorry, I hurt you instead of helping you

I am sorry, I have stopped you from going forward with your life

On behalf of that person, I am sorry.

God sees you, God hears you, God wants you.

So, walk out in freedom!

Don't let an apology paralyze your purpose.


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Blog: 3 Things to know about the apology you'll never get. Written by, The Avenue.

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